It’s a relatively recent thing, that people seem to have come to the conclusion “no strings” relationships are a good idea.
Not too far back in the past, this sort of thing was not well supported by much of anybody.
You may not believe so, but there not only was, but still is, good reason people chose not to involve themselves in the bonding with others as a light, or easily negatable thing.
I’m not saying there’re not pairings that should, or can be easy, or brief. What I’m talking about is that type of association in which one should be working towards long-term goals, and dreams.
Not to belabor the point, the idea behind this discussion, is to make it clear that there are certain types of connections, that should be intended to last forever.
I know, I know, there’s really no such thing as a joining of two people in which they will literally be together forever—at least that’s true on this planet—what happens later on, is a matter for faith and belief.
Even so, the idea that, when we come together in some sort of union, where children and home and the like are concerned, can or should be treated lightly, or short-term is indeed a bad one in my way of thinking.
To begin with, looking at them in that way, means you’re as likely as not, to accept that the choices you make are not as important as they really ought to be—either in beginning down that road, or in the maintenance of the bond.
Like it or not, another issue, is that you may find someone else along the way who seems more attractive to you, than the one to whom you’ve already committed. When that happens, if you’re not willing to consider the union in which you find yourself to be lifelong, breaking the connection is that much easier to do.
You may rest assured, as many such relationships as I’ve found myself involved in (far too many), I have never assumed anything, but that the coming together was intended to be for the rest of my time on the planet.
Why is this so important (and not just to me, but in general)?
It turns out the effects on you, the other involved individual, and the potential resultant children, is far more serious than you might imagine.
I’m not saying everyone involved cannot and probably will not get over what’s happened when such a coupling dissolves. Even so, the damage done will likely be far more serious than anyone might expect.
For myself, as an example, I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that I’m, “damaged goods.”
I don’t say that as some light, “Oh well!” sort of thing either.
The fact is, I think it quite likely I could never be in another such relationship. I consider it would be foolhardy for anyone to attempt to initiate such a thing with me. As well, I have no intent to try to involve myself in that way in future, either.
Truth is though, I worry more about my one remaining child in the home, than I ever have or would about myself.
As I’ve said in past, he’s Moderately Autistic. That might make you think his reality means that it’s not important for him to have two parents, together, working in his best interest. If you believe that, you more or less, couldn’t be more incorrect.
And it’s not that either I, or his mother have no interest in him, or try to disavow his existence or importance. Even still, it’s obvious he deals with how things are, in an ongoing and strongly affecting way.
You can make the argument that it becomes less significant as children grow older; there’s some truth to the idea.
That said, knowing the full impact, is something that may not come, for years down the road, even for adult children.
Will they lose incentive, or choose not to become invested in marital or other long-term situations because of your failure? Will they treat such relationships as either unimportant, or too onerous to involve themselves in?
Maybe they’ll never know the joy of a good union, because they’ve seen so very much bad as a result of your actions.
Perhaps they fail to ever consider the wonder that is parenting, fearing they may get involved with someone not as willing to see things through, as are they.
These are the sorts of things I see as looming for my children. Am I wrong? Perhaps, but it seems at this point, that they’ve little intent on the propagation of the species.
Never mind the reasons that continuation is important. Let’s just consider the things that make it fun, interesting, and joyous.
These things may be voided in their minds, having watched my failures.
There are those arguing for the dissolution of family. For the people in question, I’m more than a little sad.
I can’t say whether they experienced pain as a result of the fact, that one or another parent acted in ways that appeared to, or even actually were, indicative of, the idea that they were an inconvenience.
You can be assured, I have no such belief. Even still, I can imagine my children thinking or believing otherwise.
My point here is obvious, but I want to make sure I reinforce it in what I say. To begin with, I think it supremely important to understand that failing to look at ties that should be long lasting, as anything less, is in no wise a good thing.
Additionally, the idea of loyalty and sacrifice to the ends of that type of covenant cannot be overstated. This is particularly true, if there come to be children involved.
I get that one probably ought not stay around when real abuse is occurring. If you’re beating, or beaten by, the person with whom you’re joined, I believe that can be considered grounds for separation, and possibly more. That said, even hard times under less circumstances should generally not be counted so in my view.
The point is simple. Please make it your business, to look at relationships that ought to be for the long haul, as exactly that. Further, be ready, for you can be virtually assured hard times will be part and parcel of such unions.
Thanks for reading, and may your time be good.