I want to start what I’m about to say with a caveat.
I do not consider myself a “good parent.” I’m not saying I “got it all wrong” so much as that my parenting can be said to have left a great deal to be desired.
I’m sure if you asked my children, at least some (if not all) of them would tell you as much.
Even so, I feel the need to speak out on a trend I see occurring in the modern day.
I’ll start by saying that there are certain people of note—one might argue fame, power, and wealth—who appear to be having children “out of wedlock.”
Some of these folks seem to be having fairly large numbers of offspring using this “model.”
I want to depart from a societal Western “norm” here.
I do not consider a “marriage license,” nor a “wedding band,” to be what marriage is actually about.
Rather, marriage is a commitment between a man and a woman to the idea of a lifelong relationship in which they honor and cherish one another, working together to create a life together.
Part of the reason I see this to be so very important, is that such a couple can produce children, and that between them, they should provide the necessary and relevant resources to raise their young in a reasonable and wholesome way.
I don’t have the statistics in front of me (and I’m willing to be corrected if I’m incorrect in what I’m about to say), but it appears that children raised with a mother and father almost invariably end up in better places than those raised in any other model.
That’s not to say that if a man or woman produces a child (or children), then passes off the planet, the chance of their success “goes away.”
There are many cases of single parents raising children, where those children end up being a wonderful, strong part of their community.
The thing I would say though, is that it’s more likely from what I’ve been told, that children raised by both parents will be in good places.
To be fair, it’s possible for a child to be born to a “bad parent” (or even that both parents may not be particularly good).
So I suppose you could make the argument that an additional criterion that might be added, is that the parents of a given child are good parents.
I can certainly make an argument for the idea that “good” and “Godly” are more or less synonymous.
But I think it possible that children can be raised by devoted, loving parents who aren’t Godly, and still turn out just fine.
You can—if you choose to—make the argument, that people need not be in monogamous relationships.
To this I can only really say one thing.
It seems to me likely that a parent who divides his or her time between multiple mates is less likely to be able to devote the kind of time to any one of them, as a person not in that situation.
If nothing else, this is something the person’s children are likely to witness.
That would mean at least in that regard (and I would say in others as well), the involved children wouldn’t see a “good model” where relationships are concerned.
At least one person I’m aware of, having had children by multiple others, seems to be making the argument that population decline makes it reasonable so to do.
The thing is, if you bring a bunch of “broken” people into society, I’m just not sure you can count your “contribution” to be all that meaningful.
I get the—I believe innate—desire to “be fruitful and multiply.”
I just don’t believe the intent of such an idea is to “scatter your seed to the wind.”
Part of the benefit of producing progeny, is that there will be folks to continue society in a meaningful way. If instead, you bring people into the World who are a burden on it, perhaps you’re not accomplishing what’s desired.
To be clear, I have a child who’s Autistic. He likely will never live on his own.
I’m not arguing that he’s some sort of “mistake.”
He has the skills and abilities he has. We (he and I) work to prepare him for a World he may never entirely understand and with which he may never entirely “mesh.”
Rest assured, that’s not what I’m talking about when I speak of “scattering seed to the wind.”
Rather, I’m talking about producing offspring, then leaving them to others to raise and care for.
My statement is a simple one. If you’re going to bring babies into the World, you should only do so if you’re willing to take the time to guide and direct them in reasonable and appropriate paths.
You can certainly make the argument that those not choosing a path of committed relationships with the “other parent” can in most senses, still act responsibly in the rearing of their children. I’m just not so sure that’s either:
- a good idea or
- how things are likely to work out.
I have said I’m far from a “role model” for parenting. Allow me to say a couple of things about that.
Firstly, where I haven’t managed to do things nearly as well as I would like to have done. I truly have tried to do them as best I’m able.
The second thing is, I think one can learn from failures as well as successes. As such, I would point you to my failings as a reason to not do as I have done.
The long and short of things is this.
You can say there’s no “perfect formula” to dealing with children (and to some extent, you’re correct in that).
Even so, there are things you can (and probably should) do if you want to be successful in doing the job of parenting.
I think I’ve stated my case in this article. I hope you can understand what I’ve said.
As always, thanks for reading. Here’s hoping things are well with you and those about whom you care. If not I hope and pray for things to get better for you in the course of time.